Saturday, February 19, 2011

3 Months Old!!

We have a fun weekend planned. We're pretty much doing... nothing!! :) Monday is MrG's birthday and we're both off for Presidents' Day (woot!). We're going out to eat for that with his family tomorrow after church and then hopefully cleaning the house (exciting right?).

I've been down with severe back pain but I'm getting better. It was bad enough that I took off Wednesday so I could get in at a chiropractor. Not good. I had an appointment yesterday too and I'm feeling a little better every day. I can't even begin to tell you how sick I am of needing to see doctors all the time. It's getting out of control.

Happy 3 months little guy! I need to start writing him monthly letters. I intended on doing that since he was born but never managed to get one out. This is the month I'm going to make it happen.

Happy weekend everyone! :)



Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I hate day care

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE the women that work in the nursery at the DCP we found for BabyG. They're right across the street from my school, the head "teacher" there is great and texts back and forth with me (super convenient!). But I hate it. I hate pumping. I hate leaving him there every morning (I hate getting up at 4:45am everyday to make sure we're out the door by 6am to get there on time). Most of all I hate that someone else spends more time with my baby than I do. He doesn't nap much there and when he gets home he's sleepy. That's great but I want to spend time with him while he's awake! Daycare helps him sleep through the night - which is also great but I still hate it. It hurts my heart.

Ok. Hungry baby. Shortest entry ever.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Early Valentine's Day treat

The little man is 12 weeks old today! TWELVE WEEKS!!

Mr G wanted to do Valentine's Day cards for our parents but we tried not to make it TOO cheesy. ;)




Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Black Friday (Birth Story Part 5 - LAST PART!)

This is the day we were told we could take the baby home. This is also the day we found out that he'd have to stay for 3 more days. Miscommunication at its finest.

Friday afternoon we were going home from the hospital with plans to go back later that evening. I really didn't feel good, I was emotional and upset. MrG had hugged me and kissed my forehead and noticed that I was REALLY hot. He took my temp and I had a fever. Called the OB clinic's emergency line to see what to do. The doctor that delivered Baby G was on call (wonderful ::eyeroll::) and told us to go to the ER.

We spent 4 hours in the ER. Nurses came in and looked at my swollen, red stomach and we waited for the ER doc. He came in when I was trying to pump and was probably in there for 2 minutes tops. He called it "cellulitis" (which it wasn't) and called the oncall OB. OB didn't even come in to look at me - he just told the ER doctor over the phone to send me home with a Rx of antibiotics. He said it was probably "just superficial swelling" and that the Rx would be fine. We asked if I could have an IV antibiotic because we knew it would work faster and be stronger but they said no. The OB was IN THE BUILDING and didn't have the decency to walk down to the ER to look at me.

By that time it was too late to get my Rx filled so we went to the NICU to see the baby. We got some food and in the process of going from the ER, to the food court to the NICU 3 people asked if I was there to have my baby. "No. I had him last week." It made me feel good for sure. We visited and held him and went home.

The next morning we got up and I was getting ready. We were going to spend the morning in the NICU after I dropped of my Rx at the hospital pharmacy. I had showered and was getting ready when I felt something wet at the TOP of my underwear. I had no idea what it was but it had a smell to it too. I asked MrG what it was and said he didn't see anything. I went to the bathroom and while I was sitting on the toilet there was this gush of the nastiest looking and smelling fluid I had EVER seen. I thought my incision had burst open. I screamed for MrG to come, he grabbed me a towel to hold over it, helped me get the rest of my clothes on, got dressed himself and we were back to the ER.

A necrosis is a place on your skin/tissue that dies because of an infection. There had been a black spot on my stomach above my incision that MrG had been concerned about. Apparently that was a necrosis and that's where the huge gush of fluid came from. My incision had only come open in a very small spot but there was now a hole in my stomach above my incision where all of this fluid had pushed its way out - killing my skin and tissue to escape. This is something the OB could have seen had he come down to look at me the night before.

The ER nurse couldn't believe they sent me home the night before. She asked why they didn't give me an IV antibiotic (good question right?) I saw yet another OB from the practice whom I had never met before and he had me admitted back into the hospital.

Mr G spent the next several days running bottles of pumped milk to the NICU while I was in my room again. I couldn't go with MrG again this time because of the IV and because of the infection. I wouldn't want to risk getting those fragile babies sick out of selfishness wanting to see my little guy. Mr G would take pictures of him and bring them back for me to see but I spent from Saturday - Tuesday away from my brand new baby.

We were both discharged on Tuesday. We didn't have the coming home experience I had dreamed of. I only grabbed a couple pictures of him the day he came home. None of him with us at all. I was so ready to be out of the hospital that I didn't even care at the time.

I spent the next month having MrG's cousin (who is a nurse) come over twice a day to pack, clean and repack my wound. It was miserable having that done. It made me feel disgusting & like an invalid but it had to be done so the wound would heal from the inside out.

It has taken me a really long time to get through all of this emotionally. I'm still dealing with it a little and typing this out makes me realize that it still hurts sometimes. God really watched over us during this hard time and I praise Him daily for this miracle He blessed us with. He never said our path would be easy (isn't THAT the truth) but He was there for sure. In addition to that, my amazing husband, family and friends really helped to pull me through this. I'm in love with this sweet baby and I fall even more in love with him and my husband every single day.

We had a rough time getting here and we had a rough start. It has been a journey for sure but we're beyond blessed to be where we are now.

And seriously - if you've read all of this you're either extremely awesome or extremely bored. :)

The Rest of the Story (Birth Story Part 4)

I'm extremely long winded and have a big story to tell. Never thought it'd take me so many entries. Sorry. :-/

I remember going to the recovery room. Mr G, his mom and sister were in there with me. My mom arrived from driving in (8 hour trip) while I was in there too. I remember them talking to me, telling me he was beautiful, the nurse asking me a bunch of questions and showing me my pain medicine pump and clicker, crap like that. All I wanted to do was hold him but they whisked him away straight from the OR to the NICU.

From the recovery room they wheeled me down to the NICU to see the baby. I was still on the bed and when they brought me in I was at the foot of the baby's bed. Me, Mr G, my mom and maybe his mom (I think?) were in there looking at him. The NICU people spewed a whole bunch of information at us - I didn't comprehend ANY of it. I was too upset that I couldn't even see his face from where I was laying. I touched his foot but that was as close as I got at that time.

I was taken up to my room. Mr G was able to go down to the NICU to see him throughout the day/night but I was stuck in bed because of my IV. I requested a pump so that I could at least try to start doing that since I was trapped in my room. Mr G got all of the supplies, paperwork and stickers we needed to get my pumping started. This is where MrG got even more awesome than he had been before. He helped me keep a pumping schedule and filled out all of the records. He'd label bottles and deliver them to the NICU for the baby. He was just great and continued to be strong for all 3 of us throughout the rest of the crap that was heading our way.

Ok story time break to explain what happened to the baby. He had gotten an infection from my placenta and had to be on antibiotics. We were originally told he'd be there 7 days but ended up being on a 10 day antibiotic treatment. My infection was called chorioamnionitis. The doctor in the NICU said it was good that he got out when he did because if he had been in there much longer it would have been a lot worse. On top of the infection he was having trouble with his breathing. It was shallow and fast causing it to be tough for him to eat because he couldn't get the breathing/sucking timing down. He was on a feeding tube and IVs. So hard seeing him like that.

So I went into the hospital on Thursday and was discharged the following Tuesday. The entire time I was there was spent pumping and walking (riding in a wheelchair in my case) back and forth to the NICU. I was not feeling any better as days passed. My stomach was swollen, red and feverish. I kept having serious night sweats (which is common w/hormone changes I hear) but I was also having terrible spells of shaking in the middle of the night. I'd feel extremely cold and would start shaking/shivering uncontrollably. I would ask doctors and nurses about it but they'd just brush it off like it was no big deal.

We left him there on Tuesday. We'd go between home and the hospital several times a day. We spent most of the day up there on Thursday (Thanksgiving day). Our parents got to hold him that day. The flu season rules at our NICU are that only parents & grandparents can come in and only parents can hold the babies. My dad flew in from home on Thanksgiving day. We told our nurse the situation and she said grandparents could hold him (especially being the holiday).

So Thanksgiving was a happy day. The Friday after? Not so much...

Pushing time! (Birth Story part 3)

I was finally dilated enough for it to be time for me to push. I was at 9 1/2cm w/just barely any cervix covering anymore so they had me start. I pushed for about an hour and a half with the help of the L&D nurses (wait! Where's the MW you might ask? Who the heck knows? She wasn't in my room that's for sure). She finally came in, checked me and then found out that I had developed a fever (remember that. It comes into play in a little bit). They told me I needed to "labor down" for a while because Baby G wasn't moving down with my pushing. I was supposed to go an hour without active pushing to see if he'd move down.

It was SO hard to not push so I'd bear down just a little bit when I had the urge hoping to help him move down. MW said that'd be fine and probably help a little so I kept doing it. It felt good better than trying not to.

The MW came in and said I could try to push again. She helped a little this time but then eventually just stood there w/her finger in my vag, head tipped to one side looking incredibly bored. Nice. She told me with my fever and baby not moving down she was going to call the OB who was on call from her practice to come in and assist.

So here I am, lying flat on my back (what I didn't want) and in walks an OB (that I had never met before) with a vacuum in hand (that I didn't want) to try to suck my baby out as I pushed. He tried three times and the thing popped off of the baby's head each time. At one point I almost kicked the OB in the head because it hurt so bad when he was stuffing that thing in there to get to the baby.

OB says he can't get it and it's time to go to an emergency C-section. With the failure to progress and the fever he had them get me in there within 30 minutes. The fever also meant the people from the NICU would be in there to work with the baby after it was delivered.

Let me take a second to add one more thing about my LOVELY midwife right here. She PROMISED me that she'd be there for the birth of the baby. I was her ONLY patient in the hospital that night yet I saw her maybe 3-4 times. She PROMISED me that if it came to needing a c-section she'd be in the OR with me - she'd be the one assisting the doctor in the delivery. She had a clinic day on the 19th (the day the baby was born). The OBs covered her appointments and the rest of her appointments were moved until after 2pm. I had the baby at 11:05am. She was not in the operating room. She went home. To shower. Yeah, you read that right. She didn't even come up to see me in the hospital room in the days after he was here.

I thought that was the last straw. I was going into surgery to be cut open and have my baby ripped from me while I lay there. No bonding time. No attempt to nurse him because of the risk from my fever. I went in with flexibility in mind but here it was. Everything I had hoped for in childbirth had been taken from me.

Oh but that wasn't it. I have no idea what drugs they put me on in surgery but I don't remember ANYTHING from the c-section. I remember them moving me to the operating table, I remember MrG waking me up to tell me it was a boy and I remember him trying to show him to me. That's it. Mr G got to hold him and there was a picture taken (that I don't remember). No cute picture of the baby being held next to my head or anything like that. I didn't even get to kiss my baby.

BabyG was a boy and was born at 11:05am on November 19th, 2010. He weighed 7lb 9oz and they think he was 20in long but didn't measure him w/all of the trouble we were having. He had aspirated a lot of meconium and with my fever they were working on him to make sure he was ok.

There's more. I'm going to work on the rest when MrG gets home. If you made it this far you deserve a cookie :)

Birth story continued...

I'm picking up where I left of today. It probably won't be as detailed and I should probably be writing it when MrG is home because I can't even tell you the entire story since I don't remember it all from being knocked out anyway but I'll give it a shot. It'll be even more interesting since just as I started this entry BabyG spit out his pacifier and started crying. He's been clingy and fussy today so... oh well. Welcome to motherhood. Here we go.

Thursday November 18th 2010

The MW had trouble keeping the baby on the external monitor (tht I was told I wouldn't have to wear) so instead of trying again her and the L&D nurse came in and stronghanded me into breaking my water and putting an internal monitor in the top of the baby's head. After that I was stuck in bed - no moving around, no changing positions, no birthing ball, no standing and swaying, no leaning on MrG go get through contractions, no allowing gravity to help the process. I was stuck and trapped.

I labored like that for several hours (can't remember how long exactly). I was getting tired and the nurse asked if I wanted something to "take the edge off". By that time I was already exhausted & frustrated so I figured - why not? Apparently "take the edge off" is the medical term for "knock you out completely" because that's exactly what happened. I was given stadol (sp?) and was so out of it that I'd sleep between contractions, wake up during them and be out cold again as soon as it was over. Not exactly what I had in mind but by that time it was too late. Mr G didn't know WHAT to do but did the best he could.

A little while later my MW came back in (this *might* have been the 3rd time I saw her since 4pm and it was now late in the evening. She was supposed to coach me through labor and help me deal with pain and all that. Hard to do while you're hanging out in the physician's room playing on Facebook on your phone. I wasn't progressing - still at 4cm - so the MW said she was going to order pitocin to get things moving. Yet another moment of defeat. I knew pitocin would really make the contractions bad so I just gave up and asked for the epidural. I was too tired to do it after laboring so long already.

They called the anesthesiologist in and got me prepped to get the epi. I wasn't happy that Mr G had to leave the room but he's got a fierce needle phobia so I'm sure he wouldn't have been any help anyway. It wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined going in but I cried out of frustration and disappointment. I think the nurse thought I was scared. They were all pretty smug about me saying I didn't want meds in the first place so I wasn't too surprised.

I'm not going to lie. The epidural made me feel good enough that I could rest. The nurses failed by not telling me to switch sides periodically with the epidural so it would distribute evenly. When the anesthesiologist came back he told me to switch laying on one side and then the other. At the time I was thankful that I could move my legs. I wasn't able to feel contraction pain (just pressure) but could still move my legs. I'm not totally sure but that might be what caused some trouble further down the road.

I slept, MrG slept and MIL (who had been in the waiting room) came in and slept in a chair in my room around 2am. I didn't see my MW all night long. Lovely.

When they came back in and checked me again I had gone from 4cm to 8cm and was getting close to pushing time. That was around 7am I think I'll have to check with MrG on the next stuff.

Ok let's do this.

Here's what I started writing in the hospital on the morning of November 28th, 2010
(I was going into a LOT of detail apparently LOL)

Original Title: "Birth Story! Part one! Aaaaaaaaand ACTION!!!"

Thursday, November 18th, 2010 - 40w6d pregnant

I woke up around 9am with some extremely mild contractions (FINALLY!). Wasn't getting too excited about it until they seemed to be coming pretty regularly and were getting a little more painful. I figured it was no big deal and I'd just keep an eye on them. I opened up the contraction timer website thing just for fun to see what they looked like and how the thing worked. I noticed they were making a pattern and figured I should probably pay attention.

I text my midwife and told her what was going on. I let her know that I was going to walk and then take a bath and labor at home for a while before I came in. I knew I wasn't very far along and didn't want to rush to the hospital and be pressured into interventions and things I didn't want (oh the irony). She said it was a great idea and left it at that.

We went in to the hospital around 4ish I think. Went in and they got us to a room in L&D to check me. I was not dilated very far but my cervix was effaced a lot. They had me walk for an hour and come back for another check. From there they decided to admit us.

Here is where my dream of a natural birth goes down in flames. I actually had the exact opposite of every single thing I had hoped for and wanted in birth. Apparently I'm an extremely terrible judge in the reliability of medical professionals because I've picked a couple crappy OBs and (come to find out) a crappy midwife throughout this TTC process.

I was told my by my MW that I wouldn't be forced to wear external monitors because I wasn't a high risk pregnancy. They could check the baby intermittently just to make sure he was doing ok. She sounded pretty confident in that and I believed her. In the labor room, however, she tried to get the baby on the monitor maybe 2 times before she said she needed to break my water & put an internal monitor on the baby's scalp. That's nice and all but once my water is broken contractions were going to be a lot worse and that with the internal monitor I would be strapped to the bed.

::to be continued::