I haven't been super sad lately about the IF issues but I have been thinking a lot about where I "should" be in my imaginary pregnancies. Several different times over the years girls have cheerfully exclaimed that we were "cycle buddies" or that our charts looked similar. Sometimes they would end up getting their monthly visitor but it's the ones that continued on without me that I am forced to sit and watch from the wings.
I try to forget that they included me in their 2ww journey but it sticks in the back of my mind so whenever I see a new belly picture or a new milestone come up it stings a little. It doesn't mean I'm not excited for those girls it's just a tough pill to swallow sometimes.
As the weeks, months and years have slipped by people whom I was "supposed" to be pregnant with when they had their first little one have started expanding their family even further while we sit with our party of two.
Living vicariously through others isn't all bad but in the end our hearts are still bruised and our arms are still empty. My vocabulary has changed from "When I get pregnant" to "If I ever get pregnant" to "If we ever get a baby". The pain is normally numbed a bit lately so that it doesn't hurt as bad but there's always a little bad aftertaste that lingers on with every two week stretch that passes by.
Ok there's my IF reflection entry for a while. I try not to think about it and definitely try not to post about it but sometimes it eeps out. I think it helps get it out of my system so if you made it this far you rock. :)
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