I'm a wife, a daughter, a sister, and I'm working towards being a mom. I love children and the joy and excitement that they bring.
My husband and I have been trying to start a family since September 2007 and it has been an emotionally rocky road. We're praying everyday that God gives us understanding and patience to rest in the fact that His timing is more perfect than we can ever imagine.
On his way to TWO!
And I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain And if that's what it takes to praise you Jesus, bring the rain
Journey to BabyG
**RE Appointment September 23**
August 24, 2009 - IUI #1
August 23, 2009 - +OPK & HCG Trigger
August 21, 2009 - Ultrasound = 1 follie on the right. A few more days for smaller ones to grow!
MrG got some snow days too this time around!! He only worked for 2 hours on Friday and didn't have to go in at all on Saturday! It's been a fun and relaxing weekend. I might even get tomorrow off too because the ice and snow aren't melting very quickly because it's cold outside but I won't count my chickens before they hatch. :)
We get a snow day that was actually necessary! Now I'm sitting here dreaming up what I want to do for vacation this year. We haven't had a "real" vacation for a long long time without it being travel for a purpose so MrG was determined to take one this year.
He wanted to "go to the mountains" which means Pigeon Forge/Gaitlinburg. He's been there a bajillion times and I've been there once (and it was enough for now). I've got my mind set on getting him go agree to go somewhere new for both of us and I think I've found what I was looking for. :)
So I totally got my butt kicked today and that's ok. I definitely need it and I almost want to say that I enjoyed it ::gasp::
I know some of you skinny minnies that might be reading are thinking that I'm crazy for being totally killed with workout one but listen - I'm a BIG GIRL! That crap is HARD for a fatty like me!! I was proud that I only stopped gasping for air momentarily and just a few times during the workout.
I don't have control of my limbs yet but I think I feel pretty good. Tomorrow morning might be a different story. :)
Oh and I started South Beach one week ago today and I'm down 3 lbs without really working out. Maybe if I keep up this workout I'll lose even more.
I haven't been super sad lately about the IF issues but I have been thinking a lot about where I "should" be in my imaginary pregnancies. Several different times over the years girls have cheerfully exclaimed that we were "cycle buddies" or that our charts looked similar. Sometimes they would end up getting their monthly visitor but it's the ones that continued on without me that I am forced to sit and watch from the wings.
I try to forget that they included me in their 2ww journey but it sticks in the back of my mind so whenever I see a new belly picture or a new milestone come up it stings a little. It doesn't mean I'm not excited for those girls it's just a tough pill to swallow sometimes.
As the weeks, months and years have slipped by people whom I was "supposed" to be pregnant with when they had their first little one have started expanding their family even further while we sit with our party of two.
Living vicariously through others isn't all bad but in the end our hearts are still bruised and our arms are still empty. My vocabulary has changed from "When I get pregnant" to "If I ever get pregnant" to "If we ever get a baby". The pain is normally numbed a bit lately so that it doesn't hurt as bad but there's always a little bad aftertaste that lingers on with every two week stretch that passes by.
Ok there's my IF reflection entry for a while. I try not to think about it and definitely try not to post about it but sometimes it eeps out. I think it helps get it out of my system so if you made it this far you rock. :)
It smells good and definitely doesn't seem as harsh as regular automatic dish washing liquid. I filled the rinse compartment with vinegar and the dishes were cleaner than they've been with the regular stuff for a while. I wish someone would carry it near me!
The RE appointment wasn't too bad last week. She would like me to lose more weight which I knew was coming because I haven't been trying very hard on that at all. We're going to try Clomid again next cycle - with ultrasounds, HCG shot and maybe even injectables. I'm hoping it is successful with the RE since we had no luck with the OB. Let me also say that a $50 copay is outrageous and ridiculous. It went up from $25 to $50 for "specialists". Awesome. As if insurance paying for little to nothing they do there wasn't bad enough.
This week was homecoming week at my school. It was low key but fun. My students helped me decorate my door for the occasion and I stayed for the homecoming court and basketball games. The girls we so-so. The boys were really good! Two of my 7th grade home room kids were on the "court" and looked so cute all dressed up. I really do love my job right now and they remind me of that every day - even when they're crazy and silly at 7am. :)
So I decided to try the South Beach Diet. I did really well all week until last night. I cheated and had some no-no things when we went out to dinner with some friends. Today I cheated a little again and paid for it. Let's just say there was an "assplosion" (vocabulary courtesy of CarrieLiz) and I will not cheat anymore. :)
Tonight my dinner is amazing and I'm hoping lunch tomorrow turns out just as good. Some brilliant women have a website where people post recipes for dieters. They took foods that everyone craves and made them diet acceptable.
No reason in particular just a good day. I finally have a job that I really enjoy. I've been cooking a lot and spending time with Mr. G and the puppies and I've been keeping my mind off of my T-TTC and IF issues. All in all not too shabby!
Tomorrow might be a different story. I have an RE appointment tomorrow. I've been encouraged by a friend to ask her about endometriosis. I have a few of the symptoms and my cycles are getting longer again (even after the metformin). My lady times are heavy and extremely painful too so I guess it's a possibility. It's definitely not something I WANT to hear but at the same time it'd be another piece to this totally jacked up puzzle.
In other news I need to work out again! A while ago I kinda smashed my thumb nail a little (doesn't sound possible but I'm glad it's not worse). It hurt a little bit early on but hasn't really bothered me until this week. It's almost to the point where it's growing out and it KILLS now. It throbs and is swollen in the mornings and feverish feeling. I showed it to a teacher who was a nurse at one point and she said I should just let it grow out more. Ugh.
On a non-working out note... I'm craving some Girl Scout Cookies really bad. Those don't go well together do they? :)
is the one that I did. Level 1, took it slow. My favorite part? The other fatties (ie TBL contestants) were doing the workout behind the trainers instead of those skinny fitness freaks. Made my workout MUCH more enjoyable. Like having fat friends to suffer with you so you feel less awkward. Loved it.
I wasn't brave enough (and feeling well enough) to try this one yet
I'm a little more intimidated by it so I just watched it as I recovered from the first one. I might (MIGHT) try it tomorrow. We'll see.
I need to get a better handle on the eating situation too. I'm having a lot of fun cooking which is causing a problem with me needing to lose weight. ;) Baby steps I guess. I didn't gain all of this over night and it won't go away over night either.