Tuesday, May 12, 2009

LOL Oh... just... wow.

My desire to go back to school for something other than music has been solidified today.

I auditioned for a part in the local theater production of Fiddler on the Roof and didn't get a single thing. I'm not even in the chorus! Nothing. I think I'll go on and live my life as if I never ever had any desire to be a musician/singer. I'm apparently no good at any of this and my entire college career was a joke because people at that school treat everyone like they can sing. Lies.

I think what made it even worse is that one of the judges (the vocal director of the production) is a colleague of mine. Someone I looked up to as a mentor. I thought she was great. She's a great teacher. I should have known I'd never hack it and have no desire to ever be an attention loving diva (something she is very good at).

My favorite part was my diva friend trying to console me saying "There'll be other musicals" as if I've never auditioned and not been accepted before. As if I don't know what it's like to be a professional musician. Ridiculous.

I'm seriously laughing to myself. I feel like my entire life has been a joke.

New summer plan - let's find something new to go back and get a USEFUL degree in, and make a baby.


Leah B said...

Sometimes passions aren't meant to be careers. My passion for example is creative art (of all forms) and I'm an engineer... Enough said... But don't give up on your passion just because you had a bad audition. Do what makes you happy, no matter who is there to judge. Don't seek others approval for your own happiness, it only leads to failure. I'm sorry that you didn't get a part, and if I were there I'd tell you to "Screw the other musicals, try out for Avenue Q!" and then give you a hug. I wish you luck on both of your summer journeys. :)

Jessica Loves Trevor said...

I am so sorry. Just because you didn't get a part in this musical doesn't mean you're not good. I agree with Leah B, do what makes YOU happy! Just reading the blog, I think you're maybe not that happy working in the music education field, so maybe it is time for a "do over." Think about the things you enjoy and truly love before making any major decisions!

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry. I know you're not happy teaching, but I'm sure not being selected for a part/chorus must have really hurt. Please don't let one bad audition get you down. We've all had bad auditions or ones where we were just not the type of person they were looking for. It doesn't mean you're not good at what you do.

However, it does seem like it is time for a career change, if for no other reason than you don't like teaching in the classroom. Would you like teaching something like music theory/music history to older students? Maybe you could find a job doing this? Or tutor college students in these areas?

Are there any other areas that you are even slightly interested in or have ever wanted to pursue? I keep having these thoughts of wanting to be a nurse (although I can't stand the sight of blood) lol.

You will be in my prayers. I know how hard it is to be uncertain about your purpose and/or future.