Sunday, May 31, 2009

I really need to update...

...but I'm going to put it off till later. HA!

Coming soon:
- Birthday details
- Talked to my mom about IF
- Landscaping before and after PIPs :)

I know you're all jumping out of your skin for me to tell you about the last few days but I'm going to make you wait just a little longer. I've got some brownies and fruit pizza to make.


Here's a little sample of the last one I made. If anyone wants to come visit me I'll be more than happy to make one while you're here too. (oh and this pic is pre-bananas. Can't have fruit pizza w/o bananas).

I'll be waiting! :)

Friday, May 29, 2009

Pssst.... guess what!


I'm 26 today. Let me show you my GLORIOUS cake!! :)

It's strawberry and it's absolutely delightful. :)

YUM!

SO good. I might go get a sliver of it right now to hold me over till dinner!



Thursday, May 28, 2009

All time favorites...

My parents are visiting until Saturday morning for my birthday tomorrow so my entries will be sparse the next few days.

My mom brought a bag full of these delightful cookies

and I can't stop eating them. They're SO good. I love Snickerdoodles. THE BEST (non chocolate) cookie ever!!

All time favorite show ever?(pic from here)

I could seriously watch it for hours on end. I have no idea why I love it so much but I do. My favorite episode is where the men give birth to sub sandwiches. Hilarity at it's best. Good clean fun. Love it.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Giving him one more shot.

I've talked to Mr. G and we're going to give Dr. W one more shot at doing this better. I'm so tired of finding doctors it's ridiculous. I have an appointment a "consultation" appointment on June 9th (should be right around CD1 I think?) to sit down and have a little strongly worded chat. I'm going to lay out (again) exactly what I expect my doctor to do and ask him a million questions about this cycle and why it went down the way it did. If he can't do what I need him to do we're gone. I'm hoping to hear from him between now and then but I'm not putting any money on it. I'm just really tired and really frustrated.

Random doctor question - When you are dealing w/issues does your doctor call you/talk to you on the phone or do you talk to a 3rd party?

I've NEVER talked to either of my doctors on the phone (the one I ditched earlier or this one). It's always someone else calling on their behalf or answering my questions. I don't like that and didn't realize that's how things happen. It's not cool.

Ok better scramble to get things cleaned up around here. My parents are in TN right now on their way to my house and I haven't done anything!! Oops! :)

Wish List

I'm hoping to get some $$ for my birthday on Friday from my parents. I'm not sure if I'll get any or how much it'll be if I do (my mom doesn't have a job anymore). I'm torn between spending it on something special for myself or putting it towards bills/IF treatment. It's a battle I've been wrestling with for a few days now and it's kinda bringing me down so here's something I want (really bad).

A netbook. I want one SO bad. They're so small and light weight and I've heard great things about them.

So do I do the logical thing and put the money away or do I splurge and get myself a treat? What do you think?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Food Find of the Week

Just when I thought Diet Cherry Coke was as good as it gets I found this...

(no pic credit cause it's mine! :))

::angels singing from the heavens::

Delicious and they're not lying! It IS really smooth!! :) Try it! You'll like it!!



SERIOUSLY?!?!

I feel like my head is spinning clear around on my shoulders right now. I can't believe this. I got a call back from my dr's nurse and the conversation went like this:

Me: Am supposed to be taking progesterone right now?
Nurse: What CD are you?
Me: 17
Nurse: Yes you are.
Me: What exactly is the progesterone doing?
Nurse: In many early pregnancy losses it's a problem w/low progesterone so we're supplementing that.
Me: Ok... (thinking: I wasn't ovulating so how can I be pg or have a loss?)

Me: How am I supposed to know if the Clomid worked? I don't even know if I ovulated. I got a +OPK yesterday and today but that's when I started progesterone...
Nurse: Well you need to have sex on CD14,16&18 and If you have a missed period at the end of your cycle we'll know if it worked.
Me: ::awkward silence:: o...k...

Me: I had a post coital done on Friday and the lady who did it said we'd have to do IUI. How will I know what's going on with that? What's the game plan?
Nurse: ::pause:: Well the doctor won't be in this week so I'll ask him next week and see what he says.

I'm sorry. I thought that in this TTC game that timing was everything. Being out of the office for over a week with no contact, information, guidance or ANYTHING just doesn't really seem acceptable to me. I feel like this was another cycle flushed down the toilet because my doctors don't listen and are seemingly incompetent.

I want to cry or hit something or both. I just don't know what to do. I guess I'll have to start over again. My insurance company is going to think I'm a lunatic. This sucks. I mean as if this friggin journey isn't hard enough can't I get a decent doctor to help me?!?

I'm so confused!!!

I have so many questions I need to ask the doctor and it's impossible to get in touch with him or his nurse (as I've mentioned many times before) so today I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and frustrated.

How do we know the Clomid has worked?
Why am I taking progesterone if I haven't ovulated yet?
What's the next step?
When will we do IUI? We have to get the ovulation down first right?
If progesterone makes my temp rise how will I even know if I ovulate?
Why do I get +OPKs but no ovulation?
Will the prog. interfere with my chance at ovulating?

I'm so confused right now I can't even remember what the clomid and progesterone are supposed to be doing. I feel like my head's spinning and I really want to sit down w/the doctor to ask all this and have him explain to us, step by step, what is going on and what needs to happen now. This whole "Here take these and we'll be in touch" thing is why I left my last doctor - not to mention the monitoring which I thought would happen with this one but didn't.

I feel like I'm just lost and it makes me want to scream and rip my hair out!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Must read book. Must see movie?

I'm going to re-read this book before the movie comes out in June. I loved it when I read it the first time - but that was before IF. I'm sure I'll still love it and I can't WAIT to see the movie.


Click here for the trailer. It looks SO good! Who wants to go with me?? :)

Breakfast time!

I can't sleep in for some reason so I decided to make breakfast...


Anyone hungry?

I need to add up the WW POINTS for them - it's the new FiberOne mix so surely it can't be THAT bad... right?

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Pictures time!!!

Ok here's the little set up (the tree behind is fake. Very fake)

My little labels so I don't forget what they are
(hopefully I'd recognize them after they grew but you never know with me)

I don't have any chalk!! What kind of teacher doesn't have chalk??
(one that doesn't have a chalk board!)
I need to label this one. It's lavender :)
Diva couldn't handle me taking pictures w/o her getting in some
Fitting name right?
This is her serious face.
This is how she normally is. Super silly.
Check out that freckle belly. She didn't have those when she was born
She broke out in what looked like tons of little bug bites then turned into freckles.
Zoey was hiding out the whole time.
Rocky wouldn't sit still for a picture.

Deleted.

I had an IRL blog that no one read and I never posted in it so I just deleted it. Sad when internet strangers care more about you than people you know IRL but whatever. ::shrugs::

Fun stuff today! Mr G and I went to WalMart (gag) and these little potted plants that I have been coveting were finally marked down from $16 to $4 so I got three!! :) They're going in the place where the fish tank was (he finally got moving on that because my parents are coming for a visit this week for my birthday). I also got a little kitchen herb garden set thing to start and I've had a cute pot that I just haven't used yet! It's white w/a little rectangle of chalkboard paint where you can label what's growing in it. Very Martha Stewart-ish.

I will PIP as soon as I get it set up :)

Baby Dream

I can't remember all of it other than knowing when I woke up that it was very vivid while I was asleep (does that make sense?). I know it was a girl and had a head full of long dark hair - which is odd because both Mr. G and I were bald then blonde when we were babies. I remember doing her hair (she had enough for a little ponytail or pig tails or something).

I remember waking up and not wanting to go back to sleep because I didn't want to dream about it anymore.

Then I dreamed something about being on a boat/raft going around the tip of either South America or Africa (don't remember which) and worrying that the natives were going to kill us or something.

So bizarre.

So are dreams part of our psyche or are they really just misfirings in our brain? That's the question I've been kicking around lately. I usually never remember my dreams but the past week or so I remember them. Is there a reason we dream what we dream or is it just our brain being weird? I SO should have been a psych major.

I start progesterone tomorrow. ::throws confetti:: I'm sure that'll make ALL my dreams be happy and normal... yeah... ;)

Friday, May 22, 2009

IUI

Foolishly I let myself believe that Clomid would do the trick and we'd golden. I thought that SURELY ovulation was the only problem we had on this whole TTC journey and it'd be solved once we got me ovulating. That HAS to be the reason... RIGHT?!?!

Wrong.

My test today showed that my cm and Mr. G's swimmers are apparently not getting along. The nurse practitioner who performed it and came back from the lab to tell me that they weren't moving around and said the next thing to do would be to have intrauterine insemination done and kinda started talking to me like I didn't know what that meant. I was too shocked to be offended at the time. She had never met me before. She has no idea that I've been doing this and looking stuff up for over a year. It wasn't her fault.

She said she'd email my doctor with her findings (it'd be super cool if he were in his office every once in a while) and he'd get in touch with me. She said to take the progesterone and he'd tell me what we were going to do next.

I'm still having trouble digesting this. The thing that was like a punch to the stomach was the fact that my body won't LET me get pregnant (even if I WERE ovulating). That my best shot at getting pregnant (right now anyway) is laying on a table with my feet in stirrups under a paper sheet. Not quite the way I dreamed of this happening (but then again nothing seems to be going the way I thought/hoped it would from the beginning of this infertility mess).

So... guess it's time to learn a little more about IUI and how much this is going to cost. Not exactly the anniversary present I had in mind.


Happy Anniversary (IF style)

Don'tcha just love people knowing all about your sex life? I mean it's bad enough when they know you're "trying" so they assume you have sex every night of the month.

How about this?

It's our 3 year anniversary... and I've got to go in for my post coital test this afternoon.

Mr. G (as I said yesterday) doesn't give a flip cause he gets to have fun on his lunch break. That's all good for me too but it'll be the after party stirrup session that puts the icing on MY anniversary cake!

Lovely isn't it?

Now let's allow my stupidly optimistic side talk a second and say that if we could make an anniversary/my birthday (the 29th) baby - it'll be born around HIS birthday! THAT would be fun - and think of all the stirrup sessions that would come from the next 9 months!! ;)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Traveling Thursdays

Ok so I'm not clever but I missed Wednesday. A lot of my blogging friends do "wordless Wednesday" so instead this week I'm going to take you on a trip to where I'd like to be right now.

(except my hat would be cuter or would be transformed into a pair of fierce sun glasses cause my head's huge and doesn't fit into hats very well...)

I'd invite you along but you'll have to bring your own hammock. ;)

Bloat? Check.

I thought for a second that I was feeling some o pains on my right side but now it's traveling to my left too so I'm assuming it's some cramping. I have my post coital test tomorrow afternoon. Mr. G is SUPER excited that I told him he needs to come home on his lunch break to jump me. He's more excited about that than he was about his birthday or Christmas! LOL

Hooray for summer vacation!! As much as I love summer break I think I'd like year round schooling more. You go 9 weeks then have a 2 week vacation and that's the cycle. I'd LOVE it! Today I did absolutely nothing and felt great about it. Tomorrow I have some running around to do so I knew I'd want today to be a lazy day (I'm still in my pj's and it's almost 3:30!)

I don't think I ever posted my hormone levels from a few weeks ago on here so I'm going to post them now so I have them and don't lose them :) *if I find them I'll come back and delete these*

FSH 10.3
LH 3.5
Testosterone 27.6
TSH 3.68
Insulin 3.3
Total insulin 5.4
Progesterone 2.37

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Ok. That's it. I'm tired of people looking at my goodies.

I mean if I were pregnant it wouldn't be as bad because I'd be getting something out of it but this is ridiculous. It just hit me that ANOTHER person is going to see my vagina this week (my doctor won't be in the office for my post coital - he's out of the office a lot...). I'll be up in the stirrups AGAIN. It's getting old.

Doctor stuff

So apparently they're NOT going to take ultrasounds of me on clomid (not what I was lead to believe) until we're doing IUI (or if we're doing IUI anyway). :( I don't know what to think. I guess I'll proceed with extreme caution since I finished my clomid yeterday. It kinda makes me sad that I TOLD them that's why I switched from my first doctor then I found this out later.

Friday I have to do my post coital test to see how the swimmers like the water. Mr. G will have to take an early lunch and celebrate our anniversary early so that I can have the test done at 1:50pm. Nothing says happy anniversary like a nurse practitioner digging around in your vag. Lovely. Another thing you'd never think you'd have to say when you started TTC.

I got pre-seed the other day - do I go lube free for the post coital? Anyone know? I was going to ask the nurse when I had her on the phone (FINALLY) but she put me on hold and didn't ask if I had any more questions she just transferred me to the person who was making the appointment.

I also picked up my Rx for my progesterone supplements. Good news friends, I didn't get suppositories!! WOOT!! Pills for the WIN!!! Hopefully they'll work. I'd suffer through the pachina vitamins if I needed to.

That's all for now.

Ugh. What a nightmare.

One more performance to do then I'm done with children for the summer. I'm exhausted.

So at this school (the one we don't like) we have to move to a new room for next year. You would not BELIEVE how many instruments I have in this classroom. It's out of control. In addition to that the art teacher has tons of crap too (obvioiusly). We worked really hard in this crappy room last summer before school started and now we have to go to a different one and I am not pleased about it. I hope the heating/cooling unit works in the new one - that'll be a step up at least.

The part that is the most aggravating is that the teacher whose room we're taking isn't moving ANY of her stuff out until the summer. She's waiting till all the kids are gone and then she's doing all of her paperwork (she's a reading specialist/intervention type teacher).

Awesome.

That's EXACTLY what I want to do with my summer - come up to this nasty school building and move all of my stuff. Of course the teacher TAKING our room wants to move her stuff IN as soon as possible so... where's our stuff going to go?

I think I need a drink.

Monday, May 18, 2009

I'm seriously sleepy.

Like this style of sleepy...



I totally feel like I've been doing that all afternoon!

More Blog Awards!

The first was from my lovely Chatham...

As Queen of the day, I must :1. List 7 things that make me awe-summm.2. Pass the award onto 7 bloggers that I love 3. Tag those bloggers to let them know they are now Queens too (and link back to the Queen who tagged you).

1. I used to drive a forklift on summer breaks from college
2. I went to band camp AND choir camp when I was younger and LOVED IT!!
3. I have the three cutest dogs in the whole world and I love them :)
4. I like football (but pretend I don't because my husband doesn't)
5. I am adopted
6. Pedicures are easily one of my favorite things ever.
7. I want to be a nurse one day.

Ok I'll tag...
Catie
Brigid
Rotty
Kelly
Jen
Danse
JLT (even though she just got it)

The other one I received was the Zombie Chicken award from Jen...

"The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken- excellence, grace, and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by not choosing wisely or choosing at all."

And for this one... I nominate... YOU!

I'm suddenly really sleepy so my brain won't work far enough to pick people to nominate so you all get it. Congratulations :)

Popsicle Madness (part 2)

I FINALLY got all of the popsicles frozen after an entire weekend of rotating 400 popsicles in my freezer at home and frozen fingers. I was trying to think of the best way to get rid of as many of them as I can before Awards Day.

On my way into our classroom I asked the art teacher to help me pass them out. Apparently she didn't realize I meant NOW cause she took off to drop off art work.

Great.

I rushed around and got all but 2 classes their popsicles with teachers trying to tell me stuff about the assemblies and the he-said-she-said about people changing things last minute and blah blah blah. Basically they need to work it out themselves and tell me when it's time to sing and leave me out of the rest of it.

Vent over.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Haven't done THAT to myself in a while!

I was looking at the etsy shop where Mr.G got my necklace and one thing lead to another. The next thing you know I'm looking at baby stuff. Blankets, hats, booties... I've been really good at not even going near the stuff for a LONG time and today I just got sucked in! Bah!!

I REALLY need to get off of here and do something if for nothing less than to occupy my mind!

Why must babies stare at me?

I think there's something seriously going on that I have some kind of baby attractor attached to my face. I can feel when people are looking at me (even little tiny people) so I look. I promise I don't stare at babies (much) I can feel them looking at me! Church was crazy this morning.

I whispered to Mr. G "That baby won't stop starring at me!"
Mr. G: "Don't look now but I bet the one behind you is too!"

If we hadn't been in church I would have smacked him. LOL Brat.

That's all I've got for today. I'm going to do some laundry and clean up a little then I'm going to dinner tonight with some work friends :)


Saturday, May 16, 2009

Happy weekend indeed!!

God's so awesome and perfect that I know for a fact that He planned the fruits of the seasons. He knew that pumpkins and their warm spicy flavor would be perfect for brisk fall days. He knew that hot days in July wouldn't be the same without juicy watermelon slices. Most of all He knew the best way to kick off the end of spring and beginning of summer would be with the best fruit ever.


Welcome back strawberries!! I have missed you! :)


The thoughts that won't go away.

I'm a big thinker. I always have these trains of thought that stretch for miles. I just hop from one thing to another and it goes from there. You'd think with so many thoughts going through my head at such a rapid pace I'd focus less on the pregnancy/baby/IF stuff. I wish that were the case!

So last night and today these were the thoughts that derailed my train every time they'd pop in my head.

I wonder what I'll look like pregnant (I'll be huge I know)
I wonder what it FEELS like to be pregnant
I wonder what it's like to hold a little tiny baby and know that they belong to you.

The last one was getting me this morning. I caught a glimpse of that feeling in my heart - even though I'm nowhere near that point yet. My heart just filled to it's limits with joy imagining that day. Man, I can't wait for that.

So many people take IF for granted - even some who suffered from it and are moms now. Those who get ku easily have no idea and many don't even seem to try to put on these shoes. Not that I wish it on them - just that more empathy should be available.

In Clomid news - Nothing. Day 2 on the medicine and I'm great! I don't know if that should make me worry (no side effects? Is it working?!?) or if I should take it and be thrilled. :) I'll take the latter for now.

Happy weekend!

P.S. I added the time line of our TTC Journey to the bottom of the left sidebar. Partially for you, partially for me. I will never forget what this was like. I promise.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Did you know...

that when you learn something new you get a new wrinkle in your brain? I don't remember where I heard that from but I love it.

Did you know that you have to shove *some* progesterone supplements into your vagina?

I'm so glad I found this out now and not when I went to pick mine up!
I would have killed you guys for keeping me in the dark on that one!! Sheesh!

I don't care who you are THIS is funny!

And so true.
So many of them are true I'm not going to admit which ones I've done/thought/experienced.
Clicky

Popsicle Fail.

So I'm a procrastinator. I've known this for years but it hasn't stopped me yet.

I did an incentive thing w/my students and thought (at the last minute) that I'd buy a couple HUGE boxes of Fla-Vor-Ice (the popsicles in the plastic sleeves) and give them to the winners on one of the last days of school!

We went and bought them last night (because I kept forgetting) and put them in the freezer. Mr. G and I both thought they'd freeze over night and I could give them out today.

WRONG.

They're still liquid and there's no room in this stupid teacher's lounge freezer to put them if I take them out of the box. The kids will mostly be gone after Monday. I suppose I could give them out on Tuesday but that means many of the kids won't get them and I'll have a butt load of popsicles left.

So... now what? I feel like I'm stuck. I'm such an idiot.

An early birthday present + Clomid update

12 hours into the first day on Clomid - nothing. :) Seems like Mr.G got sympathy night sweats because he told me he was burning up this morning!

I got an early birthday present!! I've been eying this little baby since it hit bookshelves last month. We were at Sam's Club w/my MIL and Mr. G showed it to her as a birthday idea so she got it (and let me KEEP IT! I didn't even have to wait!!) So here it is...

::angels singing from the heavens::

I posted about Hungry-Girl.com before and I love her stuff!! I'm super excited about this one because (like many WW recipes) it has normal/real/not diet food! Mr. G rolled his eyes about it when I showed it to him until he opened up the book and saw the recipe for her cinnamon rolls!

Anyway in addition to her great recipes and helpful tips she's super cute. Check her out!


PS. My friend Rotty is in big trouble because now I want a Kindle too! :)