Monday, April 6, 2009

I'm sitting here wondering

if the heartache will ever go away. I'm talking to a friend/colleague on facebook who just had a baby last week and I'm trying really hard to be excited for her and say nice things but every nice thing I say feels like a pin in my heart. They're sincere and all but keeping my chin up and pretending like I'm ok with not being a mommy too is painful. People just assume you aren't ready for kids when you don't have them yet - it never crosses their mind that maybe you DO want them it's just not working.

That hit me today taking a stupid IKEA email survey. There was a question about children in your house.

"How many children do you have?"
a)1-2
b)3-4
c)5+ (for octomom I guess)
d) none. I don't want children
e) None yet but we're planning to start a family in the next year.

Nice plan eh? Wouldn't it be cool if it worked that way? Hmm... I think I'll get pregnant this cycle so that our birthdays don't overlap or some bs like that. Ha. Yeah right.

I keep hoping this emotional issue will go away with time but I'm finally starting to believe that it will only get harder. Another cycle, another pregnant friend, another friend's baby...

2 comments:

Chatham said...

I can't make you feel better about it, but I can say that you are not alone. I have not related to a post so well in a very long time.

Big hugs to all of us in this crappy little boat.

Jessica Loves Trevor said...

Where's the option that says "None. My body sucks?"

I don't know if it ever gets easier, either, I keep hoping that it does, but getting used to being infertile doesn't exactly mean things are easier. I agree with Chatham, I identify with this post a lot. It sucks to be in this position, and it's heartbreaking. I know we'll all be moms eventually, regardless of the means, and that's really the only thing that keeps me going.