Thursday, April 30, 2009

Quick! Someone tell me I can make it!

I hate hate HATE this school! If I never had to come back in this building it'd be too soon. The principal is a control freak and drives me crazy. Today I walked in and passed 3 teachers wearing jeans. No one told me we were allowed to wear jeans today so why is it that THREE people have them on? I would have loved to not have to dress up today! What the crap is this?!

I only have to come here to teach for 3 more days + a program day. I can do this without hurting anyone... right? RIGHT?!?!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Getting really restless

This weekend reminded me of how badly I'm wanting a change in my life. This town I live in is absolutely absurd. The school system is a complete joke and is focused on civil rights issues that should have been taken care of and let go LONG ago. I can't STAND this place. Unfortunately I don't think Mr. G understands/witnesses the depth of these issues. He doesn't encounter this every single day at his work place(s) the way I do AND he has lived in the area his entire life so I don't think he realizes that people don't act this way everywhere in the country.

I need a change and it can't come fast enough.
: /

*added* The thing I have the most trouble understanding is the pure utter hatred that is between people down here. Even the tiniest kids I deal with have been taught to hate simply based on the color of someone's skin and if they're a man or woman. It's out of control and I refuse to raise any children (if/when) we have in this environment. What a sad place to be. I hate it here.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Did I mention I was going on a trip?

Mr. G and I ventured up to Chicagoland and Michigan on Thursday and returned last night. It was a fantastic trip and now I'm in a slump because I'm back in this craptastic place I'm forced to call home right now.

The trip kicked off great with a wretched plane ride. Remember how I've been sick the past 2 weeks thinking it was my allergies and never went to the doctor? Yeah that "allergy" issue was actually a double ear infection and sinus infection. My ears hurt SO BAD in the plane that I wanted to cry. Landing was worse than the take off so I had my mom take me to convenient care right away when we got in. I told them I thought I had a sinus infection and it ended up being an ear infection in both ears as well. I've been living off of antibiotics and Motrin ever since. I thought it was better but now that I'm back to work I'm exhausted and I keep having hot flashes. Lovely.

The wedding was beautiful. My friend was absolutely stunning. I was correct in thinking that I'd be the fat bridesmaid but I'll survive I guess. It didn't happen over night and it'll take while to get back to where I'd like to be. Speaking of that I totally blew my Weight Watchers lifestyle over this weekend. I'll jump back on the horse this week. It was next to impossible to work that out with the places I was eating this week. I wanted to enjoy myself and not worry about it and I did.

Back to the wedding. I was super excited to get to play Maid of Honor on the wedding day. :) The REAL MOH was busy (I guess?) doing her hair and getting ready to do the bride's hair so I tagged along and helped my friend run errands and Mr. G stayed in bed at the hotel. It rained that day - thunderstormed really - but it all worked out great because we got ready AT the church so didn't have to go out in the rain before the ceremony.

The reception was REALLY nice and a lot of fun. Poor Mr. G sat by himself at a table (not knowing anyone) so I went and found him after dinner and sat with him instead of at the head table. He was a really good sport about the whole weekend - he's such a sweet man.

We went straight back to my parents' house the next day. My mom's brother was in the hospital in a coma and she was going to leave super early Monday morning to go out there and I needed to visit my grandparents and my grandma's sister before we left. We had a nice lunch with my grandparents.

Mom's brother died Monday morning at 1:45 and I don't think they told her until she got there after a 10 hour drive by herself. She seems ok - she hadn't spoken to him in years and holds a grudge against her other brother too. I don't know the whole story.

I finally worked up the courage to ask her about my birth parents. I was adopted as a new born and knew NOTHING about my birth mother. My mom told me her name and a few other things!! I was shocked! I searched the internet (hoping to find something) when we got home last night which lead to me dreaming about it all night too. I might be too emotional for this process but I'm going to try anyway.

I'll post a wedding pic later when I'm home. Hope everyone had a great weekend!
Wow this is long! :) Sorry!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Foiled again.

I can't win to save my life. Seems I've got the bad week of rotation at these schools. Last week was crazy and I didn't get a break but the art teacher (we co-teach at two different schools) didn't teach any classes.

Today Kindergarten didn't come because of the Earth Day celebration outside. I figured 4th grade would stay outside too (are supposed to come right after K) but sure enough, here they come. 5 minutes late but they're coming. I had already cleaned everything up and packed my things to go.

And so it goes.

Sinus attack AGAIN!?!

I stayed sick all weekend and even broke down and bought a neti pot on Saturday afternoon. They are completely and utterly disgusting and my congestion has been so bad I have to use it over and over to get it to work but they do work. I've used it every day since and didn't use it yesterday morning and the sinus stuff started coming back! I'm ready to rip my hair out. This is insane. My throat's killing me and I want to puke from the drainage (sorry. TMI.) I thought I was in the clear and now we're going to Nashville tonight to catch our flight tomorrow morning. I do NOT want to be miserable on this trip!! :(

I'm so scared that it'll get bad again that I'm going to pack the nasty thing! ::gag::

I probably won't be updating for a few days (not that anyone will be TOO disappointed - LOL!) but I'll update with pictures when I get back!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I would TOTALLY do something like this!

I wish I were smart enough to think of something this awesome!

I think her and I would have been friends in high school - I had one friend who really would have thought of something like this and pulled it off successfully. Love it.

Straight hair! (PIP)

I'm finally getting used to this new hair cut so I feel ok sharing it now. I like to flip it out with a curling iron but today I flat ironed it and it looked pretty good. Maybe I just had to train it and show it who's boss! ;) (good thing too cause flat irnoning it is WAY easier than flipping it!)

(*flipped hair now my profile pic)

Girl!!! Put some CLOTHES ON!!

OMG!!!!! This "girl" (young woman/college girl) just came into school behind me in a SHORT SHORT dress!! SHOOOOOOOOOOOORT!!!!!!!!! I mean we're at an elementary school here people the kids wouldn't even have to try to see anything in the promised land because it'd be right at their noses! She has on monster high heels and this itty bitty tight dress. I didn't notice it until the teacher's assistants saw her walking in behind me and said something before she could hear them. I turned around and almost tripped over myself in shock! WTH is she thinking?!?

One of the secretaries that I mentioned it to in the mail room came to my room just now to tell me she's here to OBSERVE A CLASS today!! She said the acedemic coach (kinda like a asst. principal) took her down the KINDERGARTEN HALL to go to the classroom she was to be in!!

I mean I'd even go as far as expecting something like this from a parent but someone who comes in and is supposed to be "professional" and here for business of any sort should know better!! She looked like she was going to the club!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Can I get a clone over here?

I've got TONS of stuff to do before we leave town on Wednesday. We're driving to Nashville that night and we're flying out Thursday morning to go to Chicago and then to Michigan for my best friend's wedding. This is the first time I've ever been a bridesmaid and I'm super excited to see her!! I haven't seen her in YEARS (sad realization! We need to work on that!).

So the emission light came on in my car and I need to get that checked out and the oil changed (maybe the oil is causing the light to come on?). I need to give the dogs a bath and finish laundry and cleaning. I need to go to the grocery store for dog food and people food so we don't starve between now and Wed. I need to clean out the refrigerator too! All this and I'm working tonight!! EEK!!

Anyone want to come and go to work/school for me so I can do all that extra crap? Or do all that extra crap so I can work? Anyone? Please?!?

I'm exhausted just thinking about it!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Two Questions

1) Why is it so hard to get motivated when it's raining outside? I just want to cuddle up and take a nap - NOT do anything on my list (that isn't anywhere near completed).

2) Why do you feel MORE tired if you get "too much" sleep? I've been sick so we skipped church and stayed in bed this morning and I still feel sleepy. Why does that happen?

Ok. I'm getting off of here and I am going to try my best to catch up on what I skipped yesterday and what I'm behind on today! :/

Friday, April 17, 2009

To-Do lists

(found here)

They're really the only way I get things done - if I actually stick to them. It HAS to work this weekend because we'll be out of town the second half of next week and I'm determined to NOT leave (and return to) a messy house!!

Today (what's left of it...)

Our room


I still feel like crap and I have to be at work at 6:30. :( Off to get stuff done!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Sick day tomorrow

I'm going to tough it out for today but I got a sub for tomorrow. I feel like my head's going to explode and even my ears are plugged so I can't hear anything (which isn't necessarily bad since kids are so loud but it's super annoying).

I'm usually kinda scared (by scared I mean terrified) of the secretary at this school. She's got one of those intimidating faces that always seems to look mad or annoyed even if she's not - do you know what I'm talking about? I know several people (women mostly) with these faces. Anyway. I was going to ask her who their regular subs were here and she named one, told me it was her sister and asked if I wanted her to call her. Uh... YEAH! So she did while I stood there and boom. She got me a sub! Thank you thank you thank you!!!! Maybe she's not so scary after all!

And on top of that the 1st grade class that was supposed to come today didn't show up! :D

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Allergy Insanity!!!

GAH!!! I swear this is driving me bonkers. For the past 3 days my allergies have been going crazy - but only on one side of my head! What the heck is that!? I'm convinced that I'm defective.

New hair (PIP)

I took this yesterday - I had curled it and flipped it out that way. Today I flat ironed it so it looks a little different but I like both ways so I think I'll survive :)

P.S. I was parked in my garage - not driving :)

Weight success! (I don't know how I forgot this!)

I lost 2.4 lbs this week (including Easter eating, AF being in town, not exercising much and not drinking nearly enough water!)

That 2.4 put me up to 5 lbs of weight loss so far!!

It's such a small number so I'm probably lame for posting this but I was excited and I got a star sticker on my bookmark from the WW lady!! LOL!

I've got a LONG road ahead and I'm hoping to lose more each week (even though they claim anything over 2lbs/week is "unhealthy" - uh... have ya SEEN me?! THIS is what unhealthy is!)

Hair success

Turned out to be cuter than I originally thought thanks to a little Fekkai therapy this morning in the shower :) (This one specifically) Love that stuff. Too bad it's so $$$ and comes in very small bottles! It's worth the splurge in my opinion (but I'm also the girl who keeps letting friends cut her hair in house so take that however you wish lol)Link
I can't handle my allergies this morning! I take my medicine at night time (because it's the only time I can remember to take it) and wake up under allergy attack! What the crap?! My throat's killing me this morning and I'm sniffly and sneezy. Maybe it's because I was FREEZING all day at school with no way of turning on my heat because they're all switched over to A/C already. I seriously hate this school. It's torture. At least it's Wednesday! :)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I LOVE this shirt!!!!

Too bad it probably wouldn't fit me! LOL


I hate these Tuesdays.

There have been changes made near the top of the totem pole in my school district and it's going to have a waterfall effect on everyone below them. I'm not looking forward to it one bit. In other thoughts - Standardized testing is a huge crock and I think it's a pointless waste of time and money.

I feel less hopeless since going to the new doctor yesterday. I feel like we're taking steps in the right direction even more than before (obviously - because we ARE) and I feel like this doctor knows a lot more about fertility than the other one.

I called my insurance company and asked about the procedures he was telling us about - out of 5 only 2 of them were not covered and neither of those were the most expensive ones so I think that's a pretty good outcome!

Weigh in at Weight Watchers is tonight. I'm not looking forward to that because Easter really messed me up with the family gatherings - I'm prepared to jump back on the horse though.

I got my hair cut last night and now I'm regretting it. It's too dang thick to do ANYTHING. When it's long it's super thick and super heavy. When it's short it's thick, choppy and sloppy looking where she did the layers. I'm not too happy about it and will probably go by a salon this week to get it fixed. I flipped it up with my curling iron and pulled 1/2 of it back to disguise the mess. It was a bad move on my part. I got too brave. : /

Monday, April 13, 2009

Good article


I especially like the end of it because it's so true.

Often the worst day of the year for an involuntarily childless woman is Mother’s Day, when going to a house of worship is going to the house of mourning. Seeing all the corsages is difficult enough, but then the mothers, young and old, are asked to stand. About the only females left sitting are children and those who wish they could have them. Surely we can find better ways to acknowledge the mothers among us and their important contributions. We have four months to plan ahead, so let’s get it right this year. By including in the bulletin, pastoral prayer and/or the sermon those for whom such days are painful, we have opportunity to minister grace to the one in six couples of childbearing age in our midst for whom the dreaded “M-day” is a time not of joy but of grief.

Following my first miscarriage, a message in the church bulletin said, “The altar flowers today are given with love and acknowledgement of all the babies of this church who were conceived on earth but born in heaven and for all who have experienced this loss.” The couple who dedicated them had six children, and theirs was the only large family I could be around for any length of time. Through their validation of our pain we caught a glimpse of the One who’s acquainted with grief. And as they crossed the aisle and stood by us during the music, with tears streaming down our faces we found new strength to bring our sacrifice of praise.

Doctor update!! (FANTASTIC!!!)

This new doctor is everything that I've needed. What an amazing blessing this appointment was! He's a strong Christian (the head deacon at our church) and actually LISTENED to what I had to say and questions I wanted to ask. He explained things and told us the game plan. He took my charts and wanted to keep them! Seriously?! He said I could quit charting if I wanted to but if not I could keep doing it (I will since I've paid for an entire year and I kinda like knowing what's going on). The first thing he told us is that he's been on our end of this particular doctor-patient relationship so he knows exactly where we're coming from.

Before I left the office I had blood work done to check for PCOS and he assured me that they do ultrasound monitoring when they prescribe Clomid (if it gets to that and he thinks it might based on the stuff I've told him and my charts).

Here's the game plan. Today I had bw done to check for PCOS (insulin levels and other stuff I couldn't really tell because the write up was scribbly). I think he was double checking my thyroid too with this blood work.

Day 19 I'm having a Serum Progesterone lab done - I can't remember what that's for but I'm going to read for it in my information that he gave me.

Day 26 will be an endometrial biopsy (another thing I need to read up on).

He said we're skipping the HSG (thank you Lord) and we're going to delay the Post-Coital test until next cycle to get this other stuff in order first.

The best part is that he talked about God, he talked about the bible and he prayed with us at the end of the appointment. I did so well not breaking down and crying while I explained everything to him and listened to him but when it got to the end I started to crumble. He was so encouraging and so level headed and really cared. Ever since I was younger when people cared about me and prayed for me it makes my heart well up and I cry because I didn't get that at home. I am so grateful for God putting this doctor in our path. I know He has a plan for us and having this new doctor will help me keep my head up during this hard trying journey.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Dr. Appointment today!

I'll update about it later! :)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

He Lives!

Happy Easter!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Just got off the phone with new OB's office

I wanted to check to see if they did ultrasounds and monitored people on Clomid. In a round about way the nurse/receptionist lady told me they did. My appointment's on Monday (I've probably said that eleventy billion times on here already) so looks like it'll be too late to DO anything this cycle. Oh well. I mean after almost twenty what's one more right? : /

CD1 & Fertility Friend

One of the hardest parts about putting in your CD1 info is what happens after you hit "save". It pops up the screen that says changes have been made to your chart based on your info blah blah blah. I guess they like to give you that extra stab of insult to injury to remind you that another cycle was a failure. Kiss it FF. I don't need the reminder.

I'm not too torn up about this cycle starting. Come Saturday and Sunday I might be singing a different tune (haha singing - I'm a singer! Get it?!?) because of family gatherings with the baby that I love dearly whose mother doesn't care about her at all and a pregnant belly of another who is due in May. ::sigh:: It just never ends.

Speaking of that belly I went as far as texting my boss asking her to schedule me to work the 19th so I had an excuse to not attend the shower for this girl. My MIL will be pissed when she hears that "uh oh! They scheduled me to work! I can't BELIEVE this!! I guess I can't make it to the shower. Gee... that sure stinks" (baha) but I just don't want to go and can't handle going to this one in particular. Does that make me a bad person?

On a happier note I ate enough for breakfast today to make my belly feel nice and full. Not stuffed full just comfy full. I hope that keeps me going today and helps me ward of my killer cramps that are trying to push their way through! :)

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Food Avdentures: Frozen dinners

I'm trading in my school lunch tray for an upgrade! Goodbye tots! I'll miss you! ::tear::
(note to self: a regular sized tot at Sonic is only 5 points! That size of fries are only 4.5!)

pic here

So I can't eat the stuff at school anymore because I need to know what goes into what I'm eating on Weight Watchers. I've turned to frozen meals. Now normally we don't think of frozen dinners to be "healthy" BUT SmartOnes have the POINTS directly on the box and we all know how much I LOVE Kashi! I haven't had one I didn't like yet (even the "exotic" one I had - but I'll show that one at the end of the post - a grand finale if you will)

Today I had the Tuscan Veggie Bake and it was AWESOME. I'm not a Vegan by any means but if I were I'd be SUPER excited about this one :)

Yesterday I had Garden Vegetable Pasta which was also delicious.

and then there's this one.
I've never had Plantains before and I was a little skeptical but I was VERY pleased. It was sweet and spicy and very filling. I loved it.

I guess the reason these are all veggie meals is because I'm never extremely impressed with the amount of chicken you get with each. I mean I'm a chicken lover and when I see just a few strips in a meal it makes me sad. One day I added my own extra chicken to a meal to give it some meat (pun intended. Ha!!) and loved it. Anyway these are awesome and I highly recommend them all.

Oh and always watch those Kashi people! They give free stuff away periodically and they're always worth it. I got cookies in the mail once and have a free frozen entre coupon sitting on my desk at home waiting for me to take it to the store.

Rattails, mullets and mohawks? REALLY?!?!

I thought we were past this, people. I mean seriously. Why does anyone think any of these haircuts look anything remotely close to decent? Hideous! I've seen several kids with them this year. I thought they were gone and wouldn't be back for a while. Sadly mistaken.

found here


I blame this guy. Thanks a lot Mr. West.
and here

I could be a professional mullet hunter down here in this sweet section of the country so I won't go into those too much further than that picture ^


It hurts me.

I need to start drinking coffee again...

The only way I'm going to get through this last month of school might be to start up drinking coffee again - today I'll have to settle for daydreaming about it...

(no coffee but bed is even better)

Monday, April 6, 2009

I'm sitting here wondering

if the heartache will ever go away. I'm talking to a friend/colleague on facebook who just had a baby last week and I'm trying really hard to be excited for her and say nice things but every nice thing I say feels like a pin in my heart. They're sincere and all but keeping my chin up and pretending like I'm ok with not being a mommy too is painful. People just assume you aren't ready for kids when you don't have them yet - it never crosses their mind that maybe you DO want them it's just not working.

That hit me today taking a stupid IKEA email survey. There was a question about children in your house.

"How many children do you have?"
c)5+ (for octomom I guess)
d) none. I don't want children
e) None yet but we're planning to start a family in the next year.

Nice plan eh? Wouldn't it be cool if it worked that way? Hmm... I think I'll get pregnant this cycle so that our birthdays don't overlap or some bs like that. Ha. Yeah right.

I keep hoping this emotional issue will go away with time but I'm finally starting to believe that it will only get harder. Another cycle, another pregnant friend, another friend's baby...

Yardwork, allergies and waiting for AF

I've done really well this cycle not thinking about the 2ww! :D AF should be here Wednesday or Thursday and my doctor's appointment is on Monday with the new OB!

In the mean time we removed some HUGE bushes from the front of our house. I mean these aren't even bushes they're monstrous patches of strong reedy grass that get to be probably 6ft tall or more by the time they're done growing at the end of the summer. The root balls were gigantic and it was strenuous getting these things out of the ground and to the back yard.

So with 2 days of back breaking yard work under my belt I'm left in a state of exhaustion inside an allergy fog. I keep sneezing, my nose, throat and mouth are itching like crazy and this morning my eyes were watering like crazy.

MrG finished planting the new sensible trees we bought yesterday after I went to work job #2. We're going to buy flowers and some other cute stuff but it's supposed to freeze tonight and tomorrow night so we're waiting till next week.

That's all that's going on. I've lost 3.6 lbs since I started Weight Watchers. Not much but it's a start!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

A new addition...

I added a new ticker to the bottom of my page. I liked them better with the post background behind them because it made them easier to read than with the blue painty stuff that's the main background so both tickers are directly below the last post on the page.

Now I'm going to find some lunch and do some work in the yard before Mr. G gets home from work. It's a GORGEOUS day outside! I wish every day were this beautiful!! :)