Saturday, February 28, 2009

Crosshairs!!

Yay for crosshairs! My temp went up a little today so FF finally gave em up! :) When I set the interpretation to different methods (not "Advanced") it gave me crosshairs a few days ago with or around the +OPKs. I'm glad my temp's behaving now.

I'm not looking forward to the 2ww though. I HATE the 2ww! I always try to not get my hopes up and to stay level headed but it doesn't work too well. FF informed me this morning that if it worked this time I'd be due on November 11th so now my imagination is already trying to take over.

Praise God for weekends! :) I slept in and LOVED it. I feel bad for Mr. G though. He doesn't even get a weekend because he's working Job#1 today and has to go to Job#2 tomorrow after church. I'm going to clean house and make it as non-stressful as possible for him.


Friday, February 27, 2009

Road Rage.

I'll be the first one to admit that I'm a pretty feisty driver but why in the world do maintenance crews think it's appropriate to fix a street light - in the day time - during the morning rush?!?!? WHY?!?! That and people down here don't know how to drive. At. All. They aren't even required to take a driver's ed course before getting their license!! WTH?!?!?!

In other crazy news my temp went DOWN today. It didn't go below my imaginary "coverline" that I keep willing to appear after my imaginary crosshairs show up but still - it went up yesterday and down today?! UGH!

I need it to be 3:30pm like... NOW.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Heh. Go figure.

So my temp spike was nowhere to be found. 5 days in a row of TTC sex (which is NOT normal sex by any means in my opinion) so we rested instead of cranking out #6. I was out cold by 9:30 easily and I know Corey was too.

This morning... temp spike.

Fantastic.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Possibly my longest cycle yet.

I mean I know it could be MUCH worse (and might still get there) but this is a sad milestone. If my temp doesn't do something or FF doesn't find somewhere to stick crosshairs soon I'm going to get my Rx for Provera filled and take it. The latest I've O'ed in the past was CD33. Good morning CD35. I couldn't even click on the next slot in my chart to put in today's temp because I "should" have (according to FF) started my period 4 days ago.

One of my least favorite parts of TTC is feeling like sex is a chore. Five nights in a row and I feel like I HAVE to do it because my chart isn't showing ovulation yet. I'm exhausted.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Hello? O? Are you there?

So. Two days of +OPKs then a negative today but still no spike.

I've lost count of number of reasons I hate my body but this would be added to the list.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Hmmmm... (edited)

O-pains all night.

Got a definite +OPK. It was glaring! As in my line showed up faster than the line to compare it to.

I expected more of a spike than this. I mean it's not even a spike.

::sigh:: I'm going to use another OPK in a little while.

P.S. For now I discarded CD28's temp because I had been drinking the night before, I didn't get the right amount of sleep and temped an hour later and it's just ugly. I still know the temp that goes there but it bugs me.

::edit:: Another +OPK!!!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I think I'm O ing!

All signs point to yes! I've got an abundance of EWCM and I've got pain on my left side (similar to what I've experienced before).

Getting OPKs on the way home from dinner at the in-laws. I wish we had time to get a quicky in before we left but I don't think we do. I hope this is it. Our timing would be awesome if it was thanks to Mr. G's birthday weekend celebrations! ;)


Friday, February 20, 2009

Kids are funny...

I'm attempting my little heels today that I thought I'd wear earlier this week. My feet are feeling ok but the kids are mesmerized by them and whisper to each other about them.

Praise the Lord it's finally Friday!

This week was a short one and for some reason every week that is short seems to last for-ev-ER! Friday is FINALLY here and that's a good thing! These kids are driving me bonkers.

So at my doctor's appointment I really didn't feel like I got many answers. My OB went through and explained what was happening. He gave me about 15-20 minutes worth of dumbed down diluted information that I already knew, wrote me two prescriptions (Provera and Clomid) and sent me on my way. He gave me a chance to ask my questions but didn't really give me any answers. It all felt very political and as if he were covering up for not knowing how to answer. Please don't get me wrong I really love this clinic and they have been great so far but if they can't answer things and give me reasons behind the medication then I don't think it will work.

I'm going to call around to other offices in my area and start looking into seeing an RE. The closest one is in Memphis which is over an hour away so I've been putting this off for that reason. I need to see what our insurance will do and hopefully I won't have to be referred by a physician. It just seems like another hoop to jump through (which is why insurance companies do it I know). I'm not looking to be the next octomom for crying out loud. I just want to have one. That's all I ask. I'm certainly not against adoption being an adoptee myself but I want to feel what it's like to grow a person! I want to feel that connection to someone that I've missed out on being adopted.

This whole thing is frustrating and heart breaking. Mr. G doesn't know how to handle it when I'm down all the time. He doesn't understand that it's not something I can hide from. I deal with it every single day and it won't go away. He seems to think I can just "stop being sad" which obviously doesn't work. I know he cares and I love him for that we just need to work on a more effective way of being supportive.

Speaking of Mr. G tomorrow is his birthday! We're going out to dinner tonight his cousin and a friend then we'll get some movies to watch at our house. He's getting a GPS for his car that he picked out (because he's entirely too hard to buy for) and I'm getting him a surprise that I will write about after I give it to him - since he could sneak on here and read this ;)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Doctor appointment today

I decided to wait until testing the waters with my doctor to make calls to other practices about monitoring. I'm still trying to think of all of my questions and find more info on it and I'll have very little time to do it today (always the procrastinator). I guess I keep putting it off because I don't want to admit it's real yet.

On a random note - I feel like I get sized up every time I walk into this building. Teachers stand in the hall with their classes before they are allowed in and school starts. I feel like they look me up and down, judge me, my fat, my clothes, my shoes, my hair... every time I come to school. I've never been a fan of catty women so that should have been a HUGE red flag when planning on being a teacher. Today I wore little brown heels (by little a mean a little taller than kitten heels but FAR from pumps) and brought some flats to change into because I knew they wouldn't last. It's the middle school teacher in me I guess. I miss the days of getting to look cute - and FEEL cute. I've sacrificed those days to wearing flats and comfy clothes so often that I feel weird when I try to look good. I'm so out of my element.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Matt, Liz and Madeline

Matt was on the Rachael Ray show!! Such a sad story. Madeline is BEAUTIFUL and I think she looks just like her mommy. I'm glad internet strangers have been so helpful and loving to him on this horrible journey.

Check it out if you missed it!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Appointment set!

I'm going to see my doctor on Wednesday. I'm going to take the long weekend to get info and questions together. I'm going to call around on Monday to see what other doctors do about monitoring with ultrasounds too.

Poor Mr. G. He just doesn't seem to get how big this is to me. I can't tell if he's trying to be optimistic or if he just doesn't get it. I was trying to explain everything to him yesterday and he would stay stuff like "Maybe if we're lucky you won't even need to take the medicine" thinking we still have a chance. Maybe it's me being too pessimistic. I don't know.

I'm cranky today. It's Friday but it's also the day all these kids have their Valentine's day parties in their room AND it's a three day weekend so they're all wild. I'm just not up to it today.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Blood work results

She called when it was the end of one of my classes. I was giving them a treat for listening well during the lesson and letting them watch High School Musical for the last 10 minutes of class. I stepped out in the hall and stood with my head out of the cracked door so I could hear her and they could still see me. All that to say I SWEAR she told me my progesterone levels were .5 and they usually like them to be around 10 or 11. Now she MIGHT have said 5, which isn't nearly as bad but I really think she said POINT FIVE.

:(

Thyroid looked ok so on CD3 I'll be starting Clomid. I asked if they monitor it while patients are on it and she said no but I'm going to look into that further before I start taking it. Several e-friends have had trouble with the lining of their uterine wall getting too thin because their doctor didn't monitor it. I'm going to make an appointment to see the doctor to talk through all of this so I can ask questions and have answers. I'm also going to call around to other doctors to see if THEY monitor etc. and go in with information I've found on it to see if he would make an exception to ease my mind.

I'll go in for CD21 blood work again next cycle and they want me to use OPKs too.

I'm trying to stay positive and keep the "at least I've got answers now" state of mind but it's hard. I just want to get back in bed and stay there until Tuesday. No diagnosis given just that I'm not ovulating and my hormones are off. I don't know what to think.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

On your mark... get set...

So I heard back from my nurse yesterday. She said Dr. R wanted to do blood work on CD21 to see if I ovulated and asked if I knew what CD I was. I looked it up really quickly because I've lost track in my mountain range of temps and I was CD20. I think she said we'd check my thyroid stuff and my progesterone levels (I think?) to see if I ovulated. I know I didn't because I have no ewcm and my temps haven't showed anything reflecting an ovulation. I keep getting the feeling that they don't care much about temping cause every time I mention it they ignore me.

I'm going in for bw this morning before I get to school. If my thyroid looks ok we'll take the next steps. If not I'm assuming we'll keep working on that. She said if it's ok and I'm not ovulating they'll prescribe Clomid. She rattled off a few other scenarios that I can't remember cause she said them so fast but I'll ask again today or when she calls back with my bw results.

So... that's the update. My temps are still crazy, my OPKs are still negative and I'm going in today.

In other news - I saw Dave Barnes in concert last night and he is phenominal. I loved it. And he's really funny too! If you haven't heard him check him out. :)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Can't. Wait.

for THIS!!!

::squeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!::

Monday, February 9, 2009

Yeah... thanks for the Tip...

This is in my "InfoTidbits" box on my FF chart page today...

"Before ovulation and after menstruation, there is only a small amount of progesterone present in your body and your basal body temperatures (your resting temperatures) are in the lower range. Look for your temperatures to level out as you get further away from menses, indicating that your hormone levels have stopped fluctuating and are at a pre-ovulation level. This will normally occur within a few days of the end of your menses."

... and THIS is what my chart looks like so far.
Really reassuring.
Thanks for that.
I also love how it's following the "average" temp curve so closely. ::eyeroll::

Just got off the phone with a nurse from my doctor's office. I love them more and more each time I deal with them. They're amazing. The lady that called has never met me before. She's a different doctor's nurse but responded to the message I left for the nurse I usually talk to since I called today! Anyway I asked what the next step was in our process dealing with whatever is wrong with my body and she said she'd have MY doctor's nurse ask my dr and call back soon.

::sigh::

Ugh. Monday.

This is the Monday that I don't teach but I still have to be here which sucks too. I just want to stay in bed. I sleep in a little on these Mondays and come in late. It feels great to come in to school late. Driving in, not in a hurry, seeing the world around me instead of cinder block walls and one tiny window. I really do hate this job. I need to work on this career thing soon. Too bad the economy is awful and unemployment is high. I don't like complaining about my job because hey, at least I have one. I guess I'm just upset that I spent 5 years in college and thousands of dollars to do something I thought I'd enjoy and I actually hate it.

Babymaking news: - OPKs, no EWCM, psychotic temps. One girl on the board tried to snark me for thinking my chart was crazy. She thought I was "about" to O. I don't know how you can think someone's "about to O" anyway because there's really no telling until it spikes. She can eat her words because I didn't O and it's looking even crazier than it was before!! Looks like I'll need to pick up another box of OPKs. :(

Friday, February 6, 2009

Dear Face,

In case you somehow missed the memo from 8 years ago, we're out of high school now so the break outs can stop any time.

kthanx.

Unfortunately yours,
Mrs. G

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Blog Name Change...

So there's a bigger much more popular blog that is titled after the same song that mine was so I changed it. I didn't change the tag line because it's still something I'm trying to learn but the second video in my last post inspired the name change.

That is all.
Carry on.


WARNING: Tissue Required!!!

I HATE country music but this song hits too close to home to ignore...


... however I LOVE Third Day and this one's amazing too...


This is a self inflicted cry fest. This is what I get for browsing people's blogs.

Note to self...

Technology is AWESOME but basing lesson plans on a really cool useful, resourceful website is not a good idea when the internet (scratch that. I think it's the site itself) keeps crashing repeatedly during the day.

::head desk::

on a positive note I like the new little ad that's included in this layout code. It's a lot cuter than the box they used to use.


Gone with the Wind

Nothing new on the baby making front but I do have a funny/silly/dumb story to share.

We have 2 trash days in our neighborhood - Tuesdays & Fridays. Tuesday was the day I came home from school. When I got home the wind had blown over the box for our new vacuum and a few other boxes C had put out for them to take. I went out and put them back weighing them down with the extra trash bag, grabbed the mail and went inside. It was SO WINDY that day! It got worse as the day went on! C came home from work early and went to his job #2 and I didn't go outside for anything since I wasn't feeling well

... Wednesday passed...

This morning he said "Where's our trash can?".
Me: "I don't know I thought you brought it in"
C: "I didn't bring it in I thought YOU brought it in!"

Now I had seen the lid of a trash can down the street yesterday when I came home from school. I wondered who in the world would let their trash can lid blow away with out picking it up off the side of the street and went on with my day.

::light bulb::

Me: "Well... yesterday I saw a trash can LID down the street but I didn't see a trash can... look down there when you pull out of the driveway and see if it's our lid"

It was.

So before I left for work I drove down to the lid and looked for the trash can. Sure enough it had blown up on the far side of a neighbor's garage where we couldn't see it from our house.

Oops...
:)


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Happy 50th Post!

What a milestone. Too bad I don't have anything fun to talk about today! :) Another milestone I hit today was my car rolling over 100,000 miles this morning. Most of those are highway miles and not city miles so I guess it's not TOO bad.

CD14
I've been playing with my chart and on the home page you can add the "average" curve to it. It's pretty cool! I think it's funny that almost every single cycle on CD7 there's a spike then it drops again.

Last night I decided I wish the Biggest Loser were on every single night. It's extremely motivating and I wish I had Jillian kicking my rear all over the gym. I know for certain that she'd make me cry but I also know she's hardcore and would help me lose weight. I hate that our society is so focused on instant gratification. I'm ready to see a difference NOW and when I don't see one it makes me want to give up!

I'm glad today is Wednesday! I'm ready for the weekend already!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

New music! :)

I finally added a few more songs to my playlist (though there are tons more I wanted to put on here I just can't remember them all!).

I was playing around with the skins on the website I use and found this new one that's AWESOME! I love the album covers and that it'll play videos! To browse through my playlist hit the arrow at the top of the "iPhone" screen and you can scroll through them. Click the one you want to hear. I love it.

I will confess that it's driving me bonkers that I couldn't get it to be smaller to fit in the sidebar but I'll sacrifice and tame my OCD because of the other coolness it offers :)

I've noticed a trend in my music choices that I hadn't seen (or heard?) before. There's a lot of piano in most of them. It's crazy that I love the instrument so much yet I never practiced enough to play up to my potential. I'm on an acoustic/laid back kick too but there's some other stuff mixed in there. I found one by Taylor Swift (whom I usually don't like at all) that I think is beautiful. Maybe it's because I love Colbie Caillat.

Hope you like it. If something won't play let me know.
Now for a nap to get this headache to go away.

My Favorite Things...

In my quest to become organized I have rediscovered and fallen in love with these

Sometimes it's the simple things! :)

I woke up with a MONSTER headache and I can't shake it so I dragged (drug?) myself to school to get my room ready and call a sub. Now I'm waiting for her to show so I can go home and go back to bed. I'm miserable but the kids are enjoying High School Musical!

Monday, February 2, 2009

I just want to rent a dumpster

I'm sick of our overload of stuff. We have all this crap that we don't need and don't use and I just want to throw it all away. I'm at the end of my rope and as great as it is I'm tired of Goodwill runs - I just want it out NOW! ALL OF IT!

I'm so discontent right now. I want to get out of this town, I want a baby, I hate (HATE!) my career... There's just a bunch of stuff that's not going "right" and not enough going well right now. I hate feeling discontent cause I know that's not how God intends on us to live our lives. In someways He wants us to be stirring and wanting more (of Him) but in places where we need to be patient it's SO much harder.

I'm just overwhelmed right now. I'm ready for a change.

It's already Monday?!?

Where did the weekend go?? :( I don't want to be here. I want to be in bed.